June 12, 2021
my thoughts for today
I know they say to keep the personal life private, but I’m forgoing that adage…for some help.
What I really need is strength – to be able to do what I need to do.
I found this bottle of whiskey behind the front seat of my boyfriend’s Tahoe…I don’t even feel comfortable calling him my boyfriend anymore. He’s just a guy who is living here, and taking advantage of my good heart. He knows I don’t love him…not the way that I should. He knows I won’t marry him, if he asks. He says I’ll never find another guy who works as hard as he does.
~ The love Bits
I’m not going to get into a lot of details, not right now. He’s got a drinking problem…I knew he was drinking behind my back, even though I had asked him/told him I didn’t want to be around him when he was drinking whiskey. Drinking beer was never an issue. I just couldn’t prove that he was. I’ve had suspisions for a while – the things he did, the way he would talk to me, gave it away.
I know the only way a drunk – is that the right term? – is going to quit drinking is if he wants to. He has to hit rock bottom… I thought I was important enough to him that maybe he would. But I guess I was wrong.
I found the bottle in his Tahoe on Thursday (June 10) and hid it my bathroom. On Friday, when he drove down to get the mail and close the gate – one way he’s been sneaking it that I know of – I thought he’d come back livid. But he was cool as a cucumber. No issues to speak of…
Sometimes you just have to be done. Not mad, not upset. Just done.
Yeah, this has been going on for a while, mostly behind closed doors. If you’ve been reading Holly’s World for a while – I’d say maybe since 2019 or so – know that I’ve had issues with his drinking since then. I’ve just been trying to deal with it privately. Now, the doors are open…
I know it will be ok! I know that I can do this! I know I can…I knew I could after my dad passed away. I need to be that girl again – the girl that told her dad on his death bed that everything is going to be ok, that he can go be with mom, and Poppy Dear and Mother Dear, and everyone else. Even though I was scared to death…I need that girl back!
So what I need is prayers, good vibes….what ever. I need strength to do what I need to do.
I don’t need anyone calling me, or telling me what to do. I know what I need to do, I need the strength to do it. If you don’t hear/read a whole lot of updates, just know that I am dealing with this. Maybe privately until the time is right to share.
Thanks for reading.
“What if I fall?”
Oh, but darling
What if you fly?
P.S. Covid threw a wrench in things…not making excuses. And I shouldn’t have let that be an excuse…I know that now. “Covid, I’m going to be homeless, I’ll be living on the street, where am I going to go…” …like I said earlier, a drunk, taking advantage of a good heart.