Dear Santa, don’t eat the cookies!

Dear Santa,

I am writing this on the day after Christmas and I am very sad. I only received 1 of the 2 presents I asked for. Since you ate my cookies, I will assume that my missing gift was a mistake. I will give you 1one week to fix this.

Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,

I am sorry you are disappointed with your presents. You asked for two very expensive presents and Santa can only do so much. You need to learn to be grateful for what you have, not upset about what you don’t. If you complain, I will have no choice but to add you to the naughty list next year.

Santa

Dear Fatty,

Your threats don’t scare me! I played your game and you did not deliver. This is not okay. I will give you one week and then you will pay.

Jeremy

P.S. I don’t know why you care that it is expensive when you have elf slaves to make things for you. I think you are naughty for having slaves.

Dear Jeremy,

You are being a very bad little boy. Because you cannot be happy with what you have, I have talked to your parents and told them to take away your Wii U. Now you have nothing. Once you learn to be grateful, perhaps you can have it back. I am very disappointed in you, Jeremy. You will need to be an extra good boy this year if you want to make it back on the nice list.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I do not like that stunt you pulled with my parents. You are on my naughty list now. Be afraid. You look slow and easy to kill. Enjoy your cookies next year because they will be poison.

I hope you die.

Jeremy

The greatest gift you can give someone is simply to thank them for being part of your life.

All I want for Christmas is to see the traitors get arrested.

It’s so cold, my hot flashes are starting to feel kind of good.

Naughty

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Under Investigation

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Nice

“You may have to skip Washington DC this year.”

“Hit me with that whip, Chimney Breath, and I’ll scratch you silly!”

“I’m sorry. I can only wear real diamonds.”

“I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.”

Why Santa doesn’t use cats.

When you wanted to look festive this Christmas but ended up looking like a member of Starfleet

This was sent to me via email on December 24…

Frigid weather continues to impact our service territory along with much of the country, resulting in increased energy use as customers stay warm and gather for the holidays….

Here are some simple ways you can reduce energy use:

~ If health permits, set thermostats at a lower temperature than usual
~ turn off non-essential appliances, equipment and electric lights – including holiday lights, that you do not need or not using
~ postpone using major electric household appliances, such as stoves, dishwashers and clothes dryers
~ close curtains and blinds to retain warm air inside your home

PJM will continue to monitor conditions and take additional actions, if necessary, which may include the potential for short, rotating customer outages. Acting now to reduce the demand for electricity can help offset the need for additional actions later.

…why did they send this out on Christmas eve and not when the cold snap first happened?